No, thank you.

Let me begin by telling you that as a child one of my biggest dreams was to have my own bedroom. This dream never came true. For my entire childhood I shared a room with all of my sisters. When I became a teenager I shared a room with my older sister Caitlin. Was I never to have my own room to do with what I pleased? Would my poor dream never come true? Where was the justice? What a cruel world we live in.

I didn't think it would ever happen, but today Caitlin moved out, and guess what? I have my own room.

Not so fulfilling as I thought it would be. It's really very sad and lonely. I sit here on my king sized bed, yummy smelling, clean room completely rearranged, no sister telling me to get off the computer and go to bed. None of her clothes all over our bedroom. No overflowing closet stuffed full of my sisters crap that I put there because she wouldn't put it away. No one to talk to.

I didn't think this would be so sad, but it is. It is sad because it symbolizes growing up. I don't want to grow up. People move on with life. I can't accept that. I can't just move on with life and forget my past, forget all of my childhood and high school friends. It's too hard. It's too much to ask. I can't do it. 

But somehow everyone does, don't they? I don't understand. 

"I don't know why I feel so skinned alive. My thoughts are misguided and a little naive."

Radiohead-Myxomatosis