So there's kind of a lot going on in my life right now, and none of it has to do with a busy schedule. It all has to do with my heart and my personal life, I guess. And it's so easy to be overwhelmed by it all. In fact, I'm trying to think of how I want to write this post so it will make sense, and I'm having a lot of trouble sorting out all of my thoughts.
I guess I'll start with the physical. For most of my teenage life I've had sleep insomnia. I'm very used to restless nights--staring that the ceiling until 3:30 am every morning. Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. Wishing I could sleep because I'm so tired, but being unable to. If you've ever had this problem you know as well as I do that it only gets worse the harder you try to sleep. Sigh. So for a while I wasn't having as much trouble with it, in fact, I was falling asleep around 1:00, which is really early for me. But in the last two weeks it's come back. It's 3:00 am right now, and I'm nowhere close to falling asleep.
And the other thing that's huge on my heart right now is putting God first. In every single area of my life. In general this is a bit of a struggle--it's hard to focus on God like I should. But what makes it even worse is when I want something a lot that I can't have and glorify God at the same time. Turning something into an idol because I'm letting it compete with me glorifying God. Right now, I want something, and I personally don't consider it a sin, so I've been letting my self slip into it little by little. So . . . what's the problem? Oh, it's this little thing called respecting and honoring parents. They are responsible for me. They love me. They are in charge of looking out for my best interest. God has commanded me to respect and obey them. I have agreed to abide by their rules in this instance and they trust me. Technically, I haven't really been breaking rules . . . but I've definitely been breaking the spirit of the rules and I know that they would not be pleased. I feel like I have lied to them, or tricked them, or something. God sees right through my excuses, and he's opened my heart to that in the last couple of days. So I've kind of got a big thing to change and deal with in my life. It's not going to be easy, and I'm kind of going to have to "rewind" somethings in my life right now--but I'm absolutely convinced that by honoring my parents I will be honoring God, and He will bless me and keep me from giving into the temptation of what I want to do. Goodness it's going to be hard though and sometimes it's going to hurt--so pray for me, please!
Peace & Love
