Separation

Oh, there are so many things to talk about. I'll just pick one though, to save anyone who may actually be reading this from boredom induced page exiting. Heh.

Anyway.

The last few weeks I had been fighting against my conscience--against the Holy Spirit.

There were two sins that I wasn't willing to give up:

•Bitterness against someone who had hurt me and apologized and
•Not honoring my parents

Excuses for Bitterness: "He shouldn't have been such a jerk; he really hurt my feelings," or "I just don't want to talk to him," or "If he gets to ignore me, then I get to ignore him."

Excuses for Dishonor: "It's not that big of a deal," or "I don't think what I'm doing is 'wrong,'" or "No, they wouldn't like it . . . but I REALLY want to do it and I don't think it's sinful."

And so forth.

These sins were definitely separating me from God--and I knew that whether I wanted to admit it or not. Whenever I tried to pray I couldn't because I knew that I was being hypocritical--how can i pray to God while trying to lie to Him and myself that my sin wasn't really 'that bad'? I can't honor God while dishonoring my parents and I can't expect to be forgiven if I'm not willing to forgive.

The separation from God finally made me feel so sick and heavy hearted that my only option was to surrender--to actually admit that what I was doing was sin and to stop. I was finally willing to admit that I was being Jonah (running from what I knew was right).

So while I was reading in Hebrews this week, and all of these great verses came up, I decided I just had to share them and my umm....story:

3:1 "Set your eyes on Jesus."
3:7-8 "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts."
3:10 "Their hearts are always going astray."
3:12-13 "See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness."
4:12-13 "For the word of God . . . judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him whom we must give account."

No matter how I try to justify my sin or live in denial it doesn't change that it sin IS sin and that God is never deceived.

I'm so thankful for forgiveness though! Even though I mess up all the time God is always willing to forgive me! And Jesus will help me to overcome these problems that I have:

2:18 "Because [Jesus] himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."