I'm drinking my first attempt at homemade chai (the fact that I finally learned how to make it will save a lot of money . . . I drink a lot of chai. Because it is delicious), about to start on homework. Lots of it. And studying for finals, which are this week.
But right now I'm kind of just embracing the moment and realizing how beautiful my life is. Spring tends to encourage such thoughts.
I'm thinking about: actually trying to really learn piano (why sit around wishing I could and feeling sorry for myself because I suck?), and about making a really cool rain drop quilt, and about the fact that there is a good chance that I'll be married some day . . . I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
Married women kind of need to know how to cook. Married women get to decorate houses! Married women have to grow up and do things for themselves. Married women have to be humble and love others more than themselves. Married women have to be willing to submit to their husbands.
I've been seeing that right now I would be a terrible wife. There are so many things I need to change or work on.
I am so selfish . . . and I am realizing that selfish people don't have great marriages--they have lousy ones. Being married and having a beautiful marriage is not easy . . . at all. It is really scary. But it still sounds awfully wonderful.
I hope I get married. I hope God will help me to actually be an okay wife. I hope I get to spend the rest of my life in love with my husband. I hope I get to decorate my own house, and make crafty things, and have kids that I get to dress in cool clothes.
I'm kind of excited to see where God takes me. However, I'm also very content where I am right now. I refuse to decide that I'm getting married. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll live to be a single old lady. Maybe I'll die tomorrow. I've realized that whatever happens though, all I "need" is God. He loves me more than I can ever comprehend, and He always will.
If I'm not pleased with what God has given me now then I will never be happy. Yes, I really want to get married and have kids. I always have. But we will see. It is very fun to dream about it though :) And all of those things that I need to work on if I'm ever going to be a decent wife are also things that I need to change in order to grow closer to God and treat others with love.
The End.
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